


It's like I lost every battle (but still won the war)

by ZoeKar



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, But it will go back up at some point, Dropped the rating, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Kinda, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Power Bottom Lena Luthor, Smut, THROUGH FLASHBACKS, Top Kara Danvers, also google maps says national city and metropolis are six and a half hours apart by plane, and he's not in prison, and kara lives in metropolis now, artistic liberties have been taken, cause why not, kara is with mon-el for like half a second, lena works at the luthorcorp branch in national city, lillian is still a cold-hearted bitch though, meaning lex hasn't gone full mental yet, sam is also in national city but isn't cfo, so that's what we're going with i guess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-17 05:29:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16089023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZoeKar/pseuds/ZoeKar
Summary: “My father died,” Lena states when she and Sam are sitting alone in the latter one’s living room that night, wine glasses in hand, and Sam’s eyes grow as big as saucers.“Oh shit, when?” she asks when she manages to not choke on her drink, a little bit of the red liquid running down the corner of her mouth.“I don’t know, yesterday…?”"Are you going?""I have to..."ORWhen Lionel Luthor dies, Lena decides to go back to Metropolis for the funeral. Reunions are inevitable, some more pleasant than others, but all of them awkward and heartbreaking in their own way. (What started out as a Disobedience AU but it's really not anymore. Any similarities to the events of the movie are completely intentional.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a few notes before we begin:  
> ~Lena is 20 in this one. Kara is 22 and Lex is 30.  
> ~Lena was done with MIT at 19 because of course she was.  
> ~Lena and Kara meet during Lena's time at MIT when they are 17 and 19 respectively.  
> ~National City, Midvale and Metropolis are their own things and I went according to Google Maps so just look them up if you wanna know where they are exactly.  
> ~LuthorCorp has a branch in NC where Lena works. She's not CEO.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea where Kara calling Lena "Lee" and Lex calling her "Ace" came from, but I see it all the time and guess what. I'm using it too!  
>  _Italics are flashbacks_

It's four phone calls that change Lena Luthor's life. That one time her mother was late to pick her up from kinder garden, a strange man had called the school and she had been picked up by someone she didn't know. Thrust into a life she was not used to, with a new family she wasn't familiar with. She was only eleven years old when Lillian had received a call that put a smile on her face unlike any other Lena had seen her sporting before. She had been shipped off to boarding school two weeks later. She dreads the calls from her mother; she knows nothing good ever comes out of them. So when her phone rings that day, at a time she knows Lillian would never be calling, she has to steel herself before answering.

“Your father is dead," Lillian’s voice rings from the other end and it suddenly feels like she has to teach herself how to breathe. “Heart attack. The funeral is in three days.” She hangs up. She can’t do this now. Not now; not when things have finally begun looking up for her.

She leaves work early that day; tells Jess she’ll be gone for four days, even gives her two days off for herself. The woman is surprised but doesn’t make a big deal out of it, simply thanking Lena and throwing a concerned look over her shoulder as she packs up her things. She makes a mental note to check on her boss later.

Lena rides the train for the first time in what feels like ages; unfortunately, having a personal chauffeur limited her pointless roaming significantly. She makes sure to send him home early too, however, and she briefly wonders whether he and Jess will meet up and talk about her behind her back. Maybe even hold an intervention of some sort. It’s a funny thought, to think that people would care about her enough to worry, but she can’t bring herself to smile.

It’s three hours later when she finds herself standing in front of a bar. Her feet had led her there and they are now leading her inside and she doesn’t care enough to stop them. She has no say over any of this so when she finds herself sitting at the bar, a full glass of… something in front of her, she shrugs and drinks. A lot. She doesn’t know how many glasses she’s downed, but she lets a man fuck her in the filthy bathroom and she knows it has to be a lot. She feels nothing. She doesn’t cum, didn’t think she would anyway, and he leaves with a smug smile and a promise to call her. He won’t. Not that she cares.

She is genuinely surprised when she manages to stumble her way back to her empty penthouse that night. No, it’s not a penthouse. It’s an overpriced suite on the top floor of an overpriced hotel. At least it has a private elevator, which gives her some illusion of privacy. For a moment, she thinks about calling Sam but immediately thinks herself out of it. It’s late. Sam has a kid. Sam doesn’t care that Lena is drunk and sad and lonely, she probably has a million things to do anyway.

* * *

Her head is spinning; it feels like it’s about to split in half and her eyes won’t open. It’s morning, the sun that has so rudely awaken her tells her that much, and she’s terribly hungover. She feels the telltale stirring of her stomach and she just barely makes it to the bathroom in time. With her body heaving over the toilet bowl, she remembers now why she hates getting so drunk.

It’s not for another fifteen minutes that she trusts herself enough to let go of the death grip she has around the toilet and get up, stumbling slightly as she grasps the sink to pull herself up. A chuckle escapes her lips when she sees her reflection in the well-lit mirror. Her hair is matted and tangled, her skin a sickly, pale white almost grey, and her eyes seem sunken. She knows they’re not, she was fine yesterday morning and it takes a little bit more than a night of heavy drinking for that side effect to set in, but she still sees them as such. She washes her face and runs her fingers through her hair and tries to fake at least some sense of control.

The sun is too bright, the city is too loud and the room is too big. Hungover Lena is a grumpy Lena and that’s one more reason she hates getting too drunk. There used to be a time when being this hungover would be worth it, but it was way back when she had people to drink with and parties to go to and, quite frankly, drinking alone in a shady bar and being fucked in a bathroom is the exact opposite of that time. The coffee maker beeps and it’s _too fucking loud_ , she presses her palms on the sides of her head in search of some relief that she doesn’t get as she stumbles to the bathroom and rummages through her thankfully well-stocked emergency kit for some Advil. She takes one; then two, then three and she’s about to pop another one in her mouth when her phone chimes. With a sigh and a shake of her head, she puts everything back in place; she knows three pills aren’t going to hurt her but she’s ready to welcome the sweet dizziness that’s surely about to set in. It’s a text from her mother she’s just received and, suddenly, she wishes she had taken a lot more than three Advil.

 **_Funeral tomorrow,_ ** it reads and she has to check the date to make sure she didn’t just sleep for an entire day. She swears her mother told her the funeral was in three days, but she’s not about to text her back to find out.

She goes to the ice rink that day. She doesn’t know why, but she does. Calls up Sam for good measure, asks to spend the day with Ruby. The young girl is beyond thrilled to be spending the day with her “aunt Lena” and that’s more than enough to put a smile on the woman’s face. She makes it a point to spoil the kid and waves Sam off when she whines about it. “It’s only ever so often I get to spend time with my favorite niece,” she says and Ruby looks a little offended.

“You have other nieces?” she asks and Lena chuckles.

“No. But even if I did, you’d still be my favorite.” Ruby seems content with that as a huge grin makes its way to her lips and she beams up at the young woman.

* * *

“My father died,” Lena states when she and Sam are sitting alone in the latter one’s living room that night, wine glasses in hand, and Sam’s eyes grow as big as saucers.

“Oh shit, when?” she asks when she manages to not choke on her drink, a little bit of the red liquid running down the corner of her mouth.

“I don’t know, yesterday…?” it sounds kind of like a question and Lena hopes it gives off the desired hint of indifference she wants it to.

“I’m so sorry…” Sam mumbles as she places a hand on Lena’s shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“As well as I can be, considering.” She doesn't even try to lie, she knows Sam will see right through her anyway. It’s not a secret that Lena and her father shared a special bond and that she loved him more than anyone else in that family. Second only to maybe Lex.

“When’s the funeral?” Sam asks and she reaches over to grab the tequila; the situation calls for something heavier now.

“Tomorrow. My mother called to let me know. I don’t know if she did it cause she wants me there or cause she had to.” Sam wants to say that it wasn’t because she had to, but she knows Lillian and she knows that that’s probably not the case.

“Are you going?” she asks instead and Lena nods.

“I have to,” she mutters and the conversation ends there.

* * *

It’s a six and a half-hour flight to Metropolis, and it’s times like this one that Lena enjoys having her own private jet. Six hours on a commercial flight would be hell, even if it was first class.

Six hours on any flight are hell. Lena has half a mind to feel bad about having her pilot fly her at five o’clock in the morning as she clasps and unclasps her hands nervously, her palms growing sweaty and clammy and her knuckles turning white as she grips her seat belt. No amount of deep breaths help her calm down and her hand shakes as she lifts the glass that’s sitting in front of her to her lips. She shouldn’t be drinking, she knows that, but she can’t bring herself to care.

“Four hours until we land,” the pilot informs her and she sighs as she nods.

She falls asleep some time later and she only wakes up when the plane jerks, her eyes flying open in pure fear and panic. The pilot’s reassuring words do nothing to calm her down and she doesn’t sleep again for the rest of the flight, her eyes nervously looking around every few minutes.

She arrives in Metropolis at eleven in the morning and she’s surprised by how warm the day is, given the season. Figures her father would die during Christmas; it was his favorite time of year, after all. She grabs a copy of the Planet on her way to the taxi stand, her eyes scanning the front page where a picture of her father takes up most of the space. “Lionel Luthor, founder of LuthorCorp, found dead in his office.” She sighs as she reads the headline and Clark Kent’s name underneath it. The full article is on page 5, apparently, and she doesn’t know if she wants to read it. She knows she will, however. If anything, at least she trusts Clark to do her father justice.

The taxi driver looks at her weird when she gives him the address; she’s certain he’s recognized her but is too weary to say anything. She still finds herself unable to relax, however, the closer they get to the mansion.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” the man says as Lena hands him the fare plus a very generous tip. “He was a good man.” She only nods.

With her finger now pressed against the doorbell, she feels her anxiety spike.

“Lena.” It's her mother that greets her at the door, clad in a black dress that's tighter than it probably should, her hair tied back in an elegant bun and Lena has to stop herself from rolling her eyes. Stylish even in mourning, Lillian would rather be caught dead than be seen looking anything less than perfect. “I wasn't sure you’d come.”

“He’s- _was_ my father. Of course I’d come.”

“Straight from the airport too, I see.” Of course Lillian would judge everything, even now.

“I'll go to a hotel later. I didn't want to miss the funeral.”

Lillian nods and steps aside, lets Lena walk inside as she eyes her from head to toe. “The service is not for another two hours. Plenty of time to go freshen up and wear something more… appropriate,” she says as she runs her fingers down the arm of her daughter’s coat. Lena nods, much too tired to argue with anything her mother says.

She sees him as she makes her way upstairs to her old room and her breathing stops for a second as her heart skips a beat. There, sitting on what Lena remembers being specifically Lionel’s chair, is Lex. Lex in his impeccable suit and his signature smirk, the one he saves just for her; Lex looking right back at her with the same glint in his eyes like when they'd get in trouble together but always cover for each other. She hasn’t seen him in ages, not since he went off to college and she got shipped off to boarding school and then college and then National City. He’s changed, she thinks, but can’t quite place what’s off about him. His father just died so it’s normal to be off, isn’t it? It’s a firm nudge from Lillian that makes her body begin moving again, her legs leading her the rest of the way up the stairs and into her room.

Memories are suddenly crushing over her as she walks inside and shuts the door. It's just like she remembers it, her bed pushed up against the wall, the dark sheets impeccably made, her desk sitting in the corner on her right, surrounded by shelves filled with all kinds of books she’s already read more times than she cares to count… It’s familiar and she can’t decide whether she loves it or hates it.

It takes her about an hour to get ready and gather enough courage to go back downstairs. She’s in a black dress now, her hair pulled back, tied in a high ponytail and she’s wearing all her earrings. She knows Lillian hates them but Lionel didn’t and today is not about Lillian, is it? She hypes herself up as she opens the door and her mind flashes back to all the times she had gone through those exact thoughts and motions when she was still living here and had to face Lillian every day. She can hear every conversation pause as she walks down the stairs and she hates it. She feels everyone’s eyes on her and she has to clench her hands in order to stop them from shaking.

Everyone is there. Old business associates that hadn’t worked with her father in years and new ones she doesn’t know. But they know her, apparently. She briefly wonders if everyone really _is_ looking at her or if it’s just her mind being paranoid. She’s not being paranoid, she realizes as she walks in the main living area where everyone is gathered. The atmosphere is heavy and the weight of several sets of eyes on her feel even heavier. But it takes all but a couple of silent moments for everyone to go back to pretending to mind their own business and for Lena to find herself standing next to the impressive array of food her mother has had delivered; looks like Luthors really do go all out, no matter the situation.

Lex isn’t there anymore, she realizes. Probably somewhere socializing and talking business like he always does. She doesn’t think a death in the family is enough to stop him. A woman comes up to talk to her and she can somewhat place her but not exactly. She knows Lena by name, however, and leans in to hug her; it’s awkward and it makes her uncomfortable but she doesn’t say anything. _‘Just smile and nod, wait for it to be over.’_ She probably seems too eager to leave as she breaks the stiff hug and makes her way to the kitchen, but she doesn't exactly care. Driven by the smell of coffee and the desire to avoid any similar future encounters, she finds herself finally being able to breathe as the bitter taste of coffee floods her mouth.

“Ace.” Her breathing hitches at the sound of the familiar voice and the familiar nickname and her head whips around to face the person standing by the door.

“Lex...” Her voice comes out more strained than she’d like it to as she struggles not to throw herself into the man’s arms. She’s beyond thankful when he moves forward and wraps her in a tight hug.

“How are you holding up?” he asks as he pulls back to look at her, his hands resting on the sides of her face.

“As well as expected,” she replies. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”

“It’s dad’s funeral, Lena…" Lex sighs. "As much as I didn’t get along with the man, he’s still my father,” he states simply. “Besides, mother was quite adamant that I be here. Something about keeping you in check?” he jokes in an attempt to lighten the mood and Lena chuckles softly.

“Thank you,” she simply whispers, not really knowing what she’s thanking the man for.

“So why are you hiding in here?” he asks as he moves towards the expensive coffee maker. Lena moves aside, her own cup of coffee now lying empty in the sink, and leans back against the counter.

“Too many people to deal with at once isn’t ideal for me, you know that. Especially now.”

“You’re not wrong… Still take it black?” She’s about to protest and say she just had coffee, but she was never one to deny a second cup.

“Old habits die hard.”

“Where are you staying?” The conversation between them flows easily, effortlessly, and Lena loves it. She’d forgotten how much simpler things were a few years ago.

“I have a room booked.”

“This is still your house, Ace, you know that.” He reaches out and places a warm hand on her shoulder, his thumb running soft circles. “Stay here.” She wants to argue; say that staying in the same house with Lillian again is something she can’t handle right now, but she doesn’t. She nods instead. She hasn’t seen him in forever, after all; this will be a good chance for them to catch up.

They chat for a while longer and it feels… nice. Familiar. They talk about mundane things, work and relationships, Lex is apparently dating a woman named Elizabeth who Lillian is not very fond of and Lena can’t help but chuckle at that. There was no way Lillian would ever be happy about anyone dating Lex. She asks about Clark at some point and her brother’s expression darkens. They don’t talk to each other much anymore, he says making Lena frown. They’d always been inseparable, seeing Lex being like this now feels wrong. She wants to joke, say that lovers quarrels can often be like that, but she knows better, knows that her brother will probably not appreciate the joke and she really doesn’t want to fight with him now so she lets it go. They’ll talk about it later.

* * *

Her features feel glued and unmoving, like a mask. She’s not scowling, she’s not frowning or holding back tears. She just… is. The three of them are standing in front of the casket, Lillian in the middle, of course, Lex to her right and Lena to her left. None of them is crying and Lillian’s features are even stonier than Lena’s own. There’s no hint of sadness or grief in her eyes and Lena has to wonder just how her mother has managed to fool everyone into believing that she was some kind of grieving widow. Unless of course she’s fooled no one and they’re just humoring her; oh, that would be rich. She holds back a grin at the thought.

“Lionel was such a… a wonderful man.” It’s time for the eulogy and Lena has to stop herself from rolling her eyes the moment her mother utters the first sentence of her speech. It’s a good speech, she has to admit, it praises Lionel and his accomplishments both as a businessman and a family man, and it makes him out to be perfect at everything he did. Just like he would have wanted. It also paints Lillian to be a loving and supportive wife, just like _she_ wants it.

They’re walking back now and Lena is wearing a pair of big sunglasses, courtesy of her mother, because she was tearing up and “people can’t see a Luthor being so weak”. She’s one step behind Lex and Lillian; it’s almost as if the woman deliberately pushes her back every time her steps lead her next to her and she wouldn’t exactly put it past her if she did. She has an aura about her that would make anyone take a step back. She’s just about given up trying to walk alongside her and Lex and is letting herself fall more and more behind when she sees her. Well, feels her first more than sees her.

“Oh,” she yelps when her back collides with the person walking behind her. “I’m so s- sor…” She’s suddenly staring into an intense blue she never thought she’d see again and the words die in her mouth as her heart rate quickens.

“It’s okay, no harm done.” Lena’s breath hitches at the sight of the small smile she’s missed so much. “I uh… I haven’t gotten the chance to talk to you… I'm so sorry for your loss.”

“I… I- I didn’t know you’d be here…” Lena’s brain is struggling to form coherent sentences now.

“It’s your dad’s funeral, Lena… Of course I’d be here.” The brunette feels a soft hand slip into her own and squeeze gently and oh, how she’s missed this feeling.

“Kara…” The name falls from her lips and, for a moment, it feels like nothing has changed.

“Lena.” But only for a moment. It’s Lillian calling her name, not Kara. And it’s Lillian throwing a hard look at her direction, motioning for her to go next to her. She leaves with an apologetic look and a soft squeeze of her own and it’s like the bubble she had found herself seconds before bursts into a million pieces.

* * *

_“That’ll be… Four eighty-two, please.” The smile that graces the blonde girl’s lips is a bright and genuine one as she extends her hand to accept the bill shes being handed. Lena hasn’t seen her before (in all her five times she’s been there in the past year) and she can already feel her eyebrow rising at her sunny disposition. It’s far too early in the morning to be this cheery._

_“Hi, welcome to Noonan’s, what can I get you?” she asks when it’s Lena’s turn at the front of the line, her smile faltering slightly as the brunette eyes her up and down but never leaving her face._

_“A double Espresso please and a fruit mix to go.” She doesn’t copy the girl’s wide grin but the corners of her mouth do rise slightly as she places her order._

_“Right,” the blonde nods and smiles as she punches in Lena’s order. “That’ll be… Four sixty-nine. Here’s your receipt. You’re number sixteen, if you could wait on the side here until your coffee is ready, that’d be great.” She hands Lena the piece of paper as she accepts a twenty dollar bill in return and she stares a little when the girl in front of her doesn’t take the change, putting it in the tip jar instead. She fails to keep her blushing at bay a couple of minutes later, when the brunette comes up to grab her order and winks at her as she leaves._

**_…_ **

_Lena is only slightly surprised when she finds herself standing in line at Noonan’s again the following morning. The cheerful blonde is there again, ready to take her order. Four sixty-nine, receipt, twenty, fifteen thirty-one in the tip jar. It becomes somewhat of a routine as Lena becomes nothing sort of a regular at the place. Every day she’s there now, her smile becoming more and more genuine as she goes through the familiar steps. She was number sixteen three times in a row and that’s how she earned the nickname. ‘Sixteen!’ the blonde exclaims every time she sees her and Lena’s smile gets a little wider each time. It’s the first time she’s had a nickname since Lex first called her ‘Ace’. He hasn’t done that a lot lately and having a new nickname is a nice change._

_“I’m twenty one today,” she jokes one morning looking at the number on her receipt._

_“Aah, we should celebrate! You’re finally of age!” the barista jokes without missing a beat and immediately bursts out laughing at her own words. Lena can’t help but follow suit. She’s still thinking about that interaction late at night when she’s finally in bed and she realizes that it’s not the joke she found funny, it wasn’t very good after all, it was the sound of the girl’s laugh that she loved. Her heart skips a beat at the thought and she groans as she squeezes her eyes shut. Realization hits her like a tidal wave and she doesn’t manage to sleep that night._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I probably shouldn't be starting a new multi-chapter story when I haven't updated my others in CENTURIES, but I couldn't help it! I had this written for at least a couple of months and I just had to post the first chap to test the waters. Drop me a word if you liked it! Or if you didn't, I'm all about constructive criticism ^^  
> Come chat with me on tumbler dot com @itsaroseforrose.tumblr.com (yep, water is still wet and I still don't know how to link. What else is new?)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Italics are still flashbacks_ and I still don't know what I'm doing. Enjoy! ^^

“So… You came here for the funeral.”

They’re at the wake now, back at the mansion, and Lena has found herself sitting between her mother and Jack whom she hasn’t seen since she left for National City, and she doesn't know which is worse; her mother's critical stares and heavy silence or Jack’s oncoming interrogation.

“Why else would I be here for?”

“I don't know.” He raises his shoulders. “You've always been rather… unpredictable.” His eyes dance to somewhere over her shoulder and, for a brief second, she's tempted to turn around and look. She doesn't.

“Are you still mad at me?” She can't keep an incredulous laugh from sipping into her voice.

“You left.”

“You know I had to.”

“You also  _had_ to not call?”

“Jack… Please don’t do this now…” She’s practically pleading and she can feel her mother’s eyes on her too.  _“This isn’t about you,”_ they say, _“don’t embarrass me in front of everyone.”_

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” Lena nods and says nothing.

She has no idea how much time has passed but conversations flow stiffly and the air grows heavier with each passing minute. Lex, who is sitting across from her, seems to be engrossed in a discussion with the family lawyer and Lillian is watching them like a hawk, listening to everything they say. The family company is to move to Lex now, naturally, and Lena briefly wonders if that means she’ll have to give up her current position in the National City branch. It was partly her choice to be in the R&D department, loving the more hands-on approach, and Lionel had been kind enough to indulge her; he knew how to take full advantage of her talents, after all. Now, with him gone, however, maybe Lex would have a different approach. She doesn’t stay long enough to find out. She excuses herself soon after and, taking her drink with her, treads her way outside.

Her mind is slightly blurry and she finds herself sitting on the porch swing, glass of whiskey in one hand and a half-burnt cigarette in the other, her legs tucked underneath her as she lets herself swing lightly back and forth. It’s chilly, she has no coat and she can see the white puffs of her breath as she exhales but she doesn’t care.

“That’s such a nasty habit.” She has to force those little puffs of air to keep coming out.

“The drinking or the smoking?” she smirks as she takes a drag. Act comfortable and maybe you’ll feel comfortable, isn’t that what they say? Lena was a pro when it came to the whole 'fake it till you make it' deal.

“I thought you quit.” The blonde newcomer takes a step forward and sits down next to her, seemingly oblivious to the effect she has on Lena who tries not to audibly gasp at the proximity.

“I thought I did too. Yet here we are…” Another drag. “Didn’t expect to see you here,” she says honestly. "I completely missed you inside."

“Lillian made sure to tuck me in a corner table, she probably didn't want a commoner around you royals," she laughs and Lena hears herself chuckle as well. "Safe to say I didn’t come for _her_ ,” Kara deliberately shudders at the mention of the woman. “Or the admittedly magnificent selection of food.” Lena laughs at that, she knows what Kara’s relationship with food is like. “Honestly... I wasn't going to come. But after seeing you at the funeral… I wanted to be here. For you.”

The brunette nods as a small smile makes its way to her lips. “Thank you. It’s- it’s really good to see you. I’m surprised mother even let you in, to be honest.”

“You and me both,” Kara laughs. “I was ready for her to have her guard dogs throw me out. I even had a speech prepared for if that happened and everything!”

“A speech?” Lena frowns.

“Well… Not like a  _speech_ speech. More like- I knew what I wanted to say to her if she threatened to throw me out.” Kara is blushing slightly now and it’s adorable. Lena needs something else to think about. “So… How’s life in National City treating you?” Kara asks after a couple of tense silence-filled moments and Lena can't help but think that as easy and comfortable catching up with Lex had been, it’s the exact opposite with Kara. And that feels _so_ wrong.

“It’s good,” she nods. “I’m… head of the R&D department so… It’s good. It’s challenging.”

It’s Kara’s turn to nod now. “Good to see you’re adjusting okay,” she smiles. “I remember how worried you were that you weren’t gonna be good enough.”

“Well, you know me. Always worried about something,” she tries to joke but god, the only thing she wants is for the earth to swallow her whole. “What about you? Back in Midvale trying to make a name for yourself?”

“Oh, uh… No, actually. I live here now. Not in your house obviously, just- Metropolis. I got a job in the Daily Planet, it’s kinda really exciting actually.” Kara can probably tell that Lena is intrigued because she smiles and keeps on talking. “Cl- A friend recommended me. It’s nothing big, I’m just an assistant, I’m not a reporter or anything, but it’s still exciting. You know, getting to play with the big kids for once,” she laughs. “Alex was wary, of course, but that’s just Alex. She’s in National City too, by the way, being a hot-shot FBI agent and all that. So like… Me being a personal assistant in Metropolis is nothing compared to that.”

“If it’s what you want to do, then I’m glad you’re doing it,” Lena offers the sweetest smile she can muster and it has to be working because Kara is offering one in return and  _fuck_ , a minute longer alone with her and Lena will be a lost cause.

“Well, I still want to write my book, I haven’t given up on that. But I do need to make a living until my writing career takes off,” she giggles. “At least this job is closer to actual writing. I was kinda getting tired of waiting tables at Noonan’s all the time.”

“Kara?” Lena smiles fondly at the mention of the coffee shop and is about to reply when a new voice makes it way to her ears. She doesn’t know the person, but she can tell by the way he’s looking at Kara that she’s probably not going to like him too much.

“Mike!” Kara’s face lights up a little and yep, Lena is _definitely_ not going to like him. “Hey, we were just talking,” she smiles and gets up to go greet the man with a hug and a tender kiss on the cheek. “Mike, this is Lena. Lena, Mike,” she makes the introductions and Lena is on her feet now too, politely shaking the man’s hand. “Mike is… He’s my fiance.” She knew she shouldn’t have gotten up.

“You’re… engaged,” she tries to smile as she speaks and her voice sounds foreign in her ears. Kara nods. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You… Well, you weren’t here.” This is the second time Lena hears the same excuse today and it’s not getting any better. She feels like she wants to scream but her brain is still so busy trying to process the new information, she can’t even form words properly.

“I didn’t know you wanted to get married,” she says instead.

“It was pretty sudden, actually… We only met a few months ago, but it felt so right, you know?” Kara smiles as she looks up at Mike and Lena has to hold back a frown.

“I’m happy for you,” she smiles and hopes it looks more genuine than it feels. It has to cause Kara is beaming back at her. “For both of you,” she adds as an afterthought and she knows she’s probably overselling this. Kara smiles at her and they stare at each other for a few moments and it’s like the world around them comes to a slow halt.

“We should uh… get going now.” And then Mike speaks and puts his arm around Kara and the world suddenly jump starts, going twice as fast as it did before.

“We should?” Kara asks before she can stop herself. “I mean, we should. We’ve probably overstayed Lillian’s welcome as it is,” she chuckles awkwardly.

“Honestly, you probably did that in the first few minutes of being here,” Lena tries to joke but her laugh dies on her lips as Kara pulls her in for a hug.

“I’m really sorry for your loss,” she whispers in her ear. “Call me if you need anything, okay? I still have my old number.” Lena nods. “Seriously, Lee,” god, she’s missed this nickname, “I mean it. Call me.”

“I will,” Lena whispers back and her voice sounds thicker than she expected. There’s wetness on her cheeks, when did she start crying? “Thank you for coming,” she says, her hand hastily wiping away the stray tears.

“That’s what friends are for.” Kara smiles tenderly, her hands squeezing Lena's own. Friends...

* * *

_It’s a sunny, unusually cold Tuesday morning, and it’s the first time in four weeks Lena isn’t in line for her daily double Espresso and fruit mix to go. Her absence is brushed off at first by the blonde barista, but she can’t shake the worry that’s settled in on the pit of her stomach. Kara doesn’t even know her name, so she knows it’s ridiculous to worry this much over it; and yet here she is, her eyes darting to the door every time the little bell jingles only to fall when she realizes it’s not her mysterious friend._

_“Is it weird that I kinda think of her as my friend even though I don’t know her name or anything about her and the only interactions we’ve had are while I’m at work and she comes in to order?” she had asked Alex one time a few days ago when they were talking on the phone._

_She could practically feel her sister rolling her eyes. “Is this about that pretty brunette again? What’s weird is that you can’t stop talking about her.”_

_“I can’t help it, she’s just so… I don’t know. She just seems like she-”_

_“Like she needs a friend, yeah, I’ve heard. Kara, you’ve only ever talked to her for like three minutes at a time. If you think she needs a friend, then go be her friend! Who knows, maybe you two are the same kind of weird.” Alex had chuckled at that and Kara had groaned and held herself back from defending the mystery girl._

_“Danvers! Your line is out the door, wake up!” With a jolt and a few quick blinks, Kara brings herself back to the present and realizes that Snapper is right. Her line_ is  _out the door; and no one looks particularly pleased. She gets back at it with a quick apology and a small smile and doesn’t stop until everyone is either seated or gone. Her eyes glance back at the clock on the wall and she sighs when she realizes it’s well past the brunette’s usual time._

_“Would it be too forward of me to assume that your worry is about whether or not I’ll show up today?” The familiar voice chuckles and Kara’s eyes light up. It feels as if the entire room just got brighter. She looks a little different today but Kara can’t place it. So she’s content to smile and take her position behind the counter, her finger already hovering over the double Espresso option as she waits for the girl to give her order._

_“I’ll take a… Mango passion fruit juice thing, the big cup, and…” Her eyes run over the menu overhead and Kara is left momentarily confused before she punches in the drink order._

_“If you’re looking for lunch, all our paninis are two sixty until two o’clock,” the blonde says with a smile in a rare bound of eloquence, surprising even herself when she manages to not stumble over her words._

_“I’ll have a panini, then,” she says with a smile._

_“Uh… Which- which one?” Aaaand she’s back to awkward again._

_“Why don’t you surprise me?” The way she says it sends a chill down Kara’s spine and she’s only half-certain she doesn’t actually shiver. “I’ll be right there.” The brunette nods towards an unoccupied table to her left._

_“Oh. Not to go today?”_

_“I figured I could sit in for lunch,” the brunette raises her shoulders and smiles and Kara can barely keep herself from grinning._

**_..._ **

_“There you go. One mango passion fruit juice thing in a big cup and one surprise panini.” Kara smiles as she places the brunette’s order on the table._

_“It’s… all wrapped up,” the girl chuckles as she looks at the sandwich in front of her, wrapped in aluminium foil._

_“Yeah,” Kara grins and nods. “Cause it’s a surprise. Enjoy your meal!”_

_“Thanks, you too!” Beat, beat, beat. If it was possible for the earth to open up and swallow Lena whole, now would be an excellent time for it to do so. “I- I… Um…”_

_“Thanks, I was just about to go on my lunch break too!” Her signature smile never once leaves her lips, if anything it gets a little wider as Lena’s blush deepens. “Actually…” It takes a couple of moment for Kara to speak again, seemingly unsure of what she’s about to say. “Do you mind if I join you?” she blurts out and Lena feels her jaw slack slightly. “I mean, you’re not with anyone and I’m not with anyone so I thought maybe we could keep each other company…?” The blonde immediately stops her rumbling and backtracks when she gets no response, however. “Nevermind, that was stupid. I feel silly now,” she chuckles nervously as she takes a step back. “Sorry about that, enjoy your meal!”_

_“Wait, no, don’t go!” It takes Lena a couple of long seconds to bring herself back to the world of the living and she hates how loud her voice is when she finally manages to make it work again. “I mean… Of course you can sit with me, I don’t mind.” She manages a small awkward smile but the girl’s face lights up and she feels herself relax again._

_“Awesome! I’m Kara, by the way.” She plops herself down in the empty seat across from Lena and brings out her own lunch._

_“I know,” the brunette chuckles at the confused sounds that leave Kara’s mouth as she works on unwrapping her panini. “Says so right there.”_

_“My- boobs…? Oh, the name tag! Right, I forgot about that,” Kara hates the blush that’s now apparent on her face; Lena thinks it’s adorable._

_“I’m Lena,” she simply states and just like that Kara is finally able to put a name to the face._

_“I like your name,” she smiles. “Though I am kinda disappointed it’s not actually ‘sixteen’.”_

_“Well, sorry to disappoint, then,” Lena’s soft laugh turns nervous when she notices Kara staring at her. “What?”_

_“You haven’t tried the panini yet.”_

_“I’m trying to get through the million layers of wrapping around it! It looks good so you have that going for you,” she jokes when she’s finally reaches the sandwich._

_“I made it special.” The girl looks excited and, had she been standing, Lena is certain she would be rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet._

_“Okay… That’s only mildly threatening.” Lena chuckles as she takes a bite. “Does it- does it have kale in it?”_

_“...yes? You hate it, don’t you? Ugh, I knew I shouldn’t have added that! It’s actually kale pesto with basil and oil and walnuts and- Oh my gosh, you’re not- you’re not allergic to anything, right?”_

_“Kara?”_

_“I should have asked, I’m so sorry, do I need to call 911 or something? Where’s your phone?”_

_“Kara.”_

_“I left mine in my bag in the locker room cause we’re not supposed to carry them around when we’re working and there’s-”_

_“Kara!”_

_It’s the soft hand that’s suddenly on top of Kara’s own what finally makes her stop and breathe. “Sorry.”_

_“I’m not allergic to anything and I actually love kale so thank you. It’s a great panini.” Lena laughs at the relief that washes over Kara’s features._

_“Oh, good. Cause it would’ve been really awkward if I killed you during our first lunch.” The girl laughs heartily and Lena is left wondering what exactly she has just gotten herself into._

* * *

“We’re a little old for sleepovers, don’t you think?” she asks when Lex knocks on her door later that night and enters her room. He’s wearing satin pajamas that contrast heavily with Lena’s worn out sweatpants and tank top and the young woman has to hold back a chuckle at the sight.

“Oh, don’t tell me you’ve gotten old before your time, Lena,” he jokes. “You’re only twenty. Don’t think I didn’t notice you smuggling that glass of whiskey at dinner, by the way. You little rebel,” he lets out a laugh as he moves to ruffle the girl’s hair playfully. “Besides, you looked like you needed one,” He winks and buries himself under Lena’s covers on the right side of the bed. Lena always preferred the left.

“Did you know Kara got engaged?” she asks a few moments of silence later, after she’s also settled in bed.

“MIT Kara?” Lena hums. “I did, actually. To some… vanilla douchebro. Max or something.”

“Mike…”

“Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“So you could do what, Lena?” He turns to face her now and she can feel his eyes on her face. “Drag yourself back here and pine after her like you did back then?”

“You don’t know what it’s like,” she huffs after a while.

“But I know it’s not worth it, Ace...” he sighs as he reaches over to place a hand on her shoulder. “ _She’s_ not worth it.” Lena’s body stiffens at that and she pulls away, her eyes refusing to look at her brother.

“Go,” she chokes out.

“One day you’ll see I’m right,” he says as he gets up and Lena can practically feel him shake his head in disappointment.

“Yeah well, maybe when you learn to have some compassion.”

* * *

She visits Lionel’s grave the next morning. It’s better now without all the people and the press lurking at every corner. She takes a moment to appreciate the quiet as she places a neatly arranged bouquet of flowers on the marble, it feels so much more personal. The big sunglasses are gone now too; Lena feels freer, more comfortable to be herself. She still doesn’t cry, showing emotions is still a sign of weakness after all, but she does tear up. And she doesn’t bother to wipe the tears away this time.

She gets a call from Lex halfway through the day informing her she’s late for the appointment with their lawyer and asking her to meet him and Lillian at his office. She doesn’t even get the chance to say that no one told her she had to be there in the first place.

The company goes to Lex. The mansion goes to Lillian, and the rest of the assets are divided among the three of them. Lena didn't expect to get the company or the house so neither of these comes as a surprise. What is surprising, however, is the fact that Lionel has apparently left her an estate no one knew about, as well as the titles to the Luthor Children’s Hospital in National City. Lillian is fuming by the time they leave and Lena doesn't know if it's because she only got the house to herself and has to share everything else, because she apparently has no say in the company, or because there is a secret estate that got passed on to the youngest Luthor instead of her. Whichever it is, Lena can't bring herself to care; she's not mentally strong enough to break the heavy silence as they all drive back to the mansion.

Lex goes to work immediately, giving Lena no chance to talk to him about her future in LuthorCorp. She doesn't want to lose her current position, but she also knows that now that Lex is the CEO, it's more likely for him to appoint her as his COO. She's sure he'll talk to her about that later, when he's not so busy making changes to the company's policies and procedures like a madman.

She spends the rest of the day locked in her room, mostly to avoid Lillian if she’s being completely honest. She’s only been there a day and a half and it’s already too much. She also just wants some privacy so she can research the property her father left her. Since it was so under wraps, very few people knew about it, the family lawyer being one of them, apparently, as he told her to call him whenever she wanted to go visit it. He had handed her a dossier as they were leaving his office, the contents of which are now littering Lena’s bed and floor. It’s titled ‘Project #857’ and it’s about as intriguing as it sounds. There are no pictures in the folder; only practical information like description and exact size and location. It’s a house, she gathers, somewhere in Europe she’s heard of but she’s never been before. She looks it up. It’s a ten-hour flight and she doesn’t know if she can do it; the six hours to get to Metropolis were bad enough. She thinks about calling Kara, talk to her about it, ask for her opinion, listen to her voice… She calls Sam instead.

* * *

It’s three days before they see each other again. Kara is at the local market and Lena is on the phone with Jess, letting her know that she’s extended her leave and that she’ll be staying in Metropolis for a few more days. They bump into each other, quite literally this time too, only now it’s Kara who crashes into Lena and the brunette swears that the smile young woman gives her is brighter than the sun itself.

“Hi! Oh my gosh, hi, sorry, are you okay? So sorry for that, I was… looking at the puppy,” Kara mumbles the last part of her sentence blushing faintly as if she’s embarrassed. There’s a tiny puppy only a couple of feet away from them wagging its tail wildly and Lena thinks it’s almost as adorable as Kara at that very moment.

“It's okay,” Lena laughs softly. She knows what the combination of Kara and puppies is like. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, um… Shopping.” Kara lifts her entire shopping trolley of the ground and it almost tips over. “It's Monday so… Monday’s-”

“Grocery day, I remember. Got your weekly fix of ice cream?”

“Yep!” Kara beams. “What about you?” Lena doesn't know when it happened, but they are now strolling down the sidewalk, in a direction completely opposite from the one she was planning on going.

“I didn't get my weekly fix of ice cream,” she jokes.

“No, silly,” the blonde giggles and bumps her softly on the shoulder. “I mean what are you doing here?”

“I was on my way to the company, actually. Lex and I have some details to go over.”

“Oh…” Kara looks kind of disappointed and there's the slightest glimmer of hope in Lena’s eyes. “I wanted to ask you if- hey, hold on.” She stops walking abruptly and almost bumps into Lena again. “Isn't LuthorCorp that way?”

“It is.”

“Then what are you doing following me?” She doesn't let Lena reply as she turns around and starts walking to the opposite direction, pulling the younger woman along with her. “Come on, I'll walk you.” Lena only chuckles and shakes her head.

Kara wanted to ask her if she wanted to get lunch, she finds out along the way, but won't because she doesn't want to take up too much of her time.

“We should catch up soon, though!” She smiles as they stop in front of LuthorCorp, Lena slightly sweaty and out of breath, the distance being larger than she had anticipated. Kara, on the other hand, seems fine as ever. “Like really catch up, not like at your house. Call me whenever you're free, okay? It would be awful if you left and we hadn't gotten a chance to go on a proper lunch date!” Lena’s mind chooses to ignore the lunch part, focuses on the date. There was a time when she would have done anything for a real, actual date with Kara. Not to say that this wasn't true now as well.

“Of course,” she replies with a smile and a nod.

“For real call me this time, though,” the girl insists. “Cause you said you'd call me three days ago too and you didn't.”

“I'll call you, Kara,” she laughs. “Scout’s honor.” They both giggle as Lena holds up three fingers. It seems to be good enough for Kara who closes the distance between them and squeezes Lena into a hug, gives her a soft peck on the cheek and leaves hastily, saying how she had to run home otherwise her entire supply of ice cream would turn into soup. Lena stares at her practically jogging away with an amused and lovestruck look on her face and has to blink several times in order to bring herself back to reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on tumblr @itsaroseforrose.tumblr.com so we can hang, as the youths say xD  
>  **Someone please teach me how to _link_**


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am still alive with ch3, guysss! As always, _italics are flashbacks_! Enjoy!  <3

Sam says she should go see the house Lionel left her in his will. Lena says she shouldn't. Lena wins that argument for about half a day.

Her phone rings again as soon as she hangs up from talking to Sam, Kara’s name flashing on the screen.

“Hello?” She clears her throat as she feels a lump forming in the back of it when she speaks.

“Lena?” Kara’s voice sounds off and Lena doesn't know if it's just a connection issue or if there's something wrong. “H-hey, I was hoping you hadn't changed your number…” The young woman on the other end of the line sniffs. It's not a connection issue.

“Kara? Hey, what's up?” She's pretty sure she fails to keep concern from seeping into her tone, not that she tries too hard to do so anyway.

“I'm sorry, it's just… Can we- can we meet up maybe? I’m sorry, I know we said _you_ should call _me_ when you have free time and all and I’d usually just call Alex or- or something but she's not here and I don't want her to worry and-”

“Kara, hey, slow- slow down. Where are you? I'll come get you, okay?”

Ten minutes later, Lena finds herself outside of a very dodgy-looking bar, one that she would never imagine being Kara’s style. The inside makes her feel uneasy too and she hates the way the few patrons turn to look at her, some not even trying to mask the lust in their eyes as they lick their lips suggestively and wink at her. She feels the hairs on the back of her neck stand up and she shudders. Thankfully, she spots the blonde sitting in a corner booth further away from everyone, nursing some kind of blue drink that’s probably not her first, and she makes a beeline for her.

“Kara?” Lena’s voice is soft and calm, not wanting to startle the other woman who whips her head to her direction and gives her a wobbly smile.

“Lena!” Kara’s voice, on the other hand, is loud and overly enthusiastic in a way Lena knows is either fake or drink-induced. Or maybe both.

“Hi,” Lena says with a smile not wanting to overwhelm the girl. “How are you, darling?”

“I’m good! I’m gr- great! Sit with me, want a drink? Come on, it’s on me. Not actually o- _on_ me, that’d be gross.” Her speech is slurred as she bursts into laughter.

“Are you maybe a little bit drunk right now, sweetheart?” Lena gives her a tender smile as she slides in the booth across from her.

“Yeah… Only a little, though! I have to drive home so I can’t drink _too_ much.”

 _‘A little late for that.’_ “Do you wanna tell me what happened?” She waves the waitress off when she sees her approach and makes a mental note to tip the girl generously when they leave. Kara seems to be in her own little world as she ignores Lena and stares intently at the table. “Do you want me to call Alex?” That seems to get the blonde’s attention as her head whips up and panic flashes in her eyes.

“No!” Kara’s body lifts a little from her seat as she yells, and Lena quietly apologizes to everyone around who is now looking at the pair. “Don’t call Alex, she’s like… a million hours away!” _Six and a half._ “We don’t have to worry her, honest!”

“Okay, okay, we won’t call Alex.” Kara lets out a sigh at that and she slumps so far back, she almost glides right off the seat. “I’ll tell you what,” Lena speaks again as she grabs the girl’s hands and gently pulls her forward. “We’re going to pay for your drinks and then I’m gonna drive you home so you can get into your comfy bed and sleep. And then tomorrow, if you’re up for it, you can call me and we can go get some brunch, how’s that sound?” It’s a wildly different schedule from what Lena had set for herself earlier that day, but she could never resist spending time with Kara anyway.

“Sounds good…” Kara nods, her eyes trying to focus on Lena’s but not quite making it. “Oh, wait!” She grips Lena’s hand as she begins to slide out of the booth and her grip is surprisingly strong. “I haven’t finished my drink yet!”

“You’ve finished a lot of drinks for tonight, sweetheart, I don’t think this one is going to mind if you leave it as is.”

“But- but Leee… It’s a Midnight Kiss, I can't just _leave_ it!” she whines looking absolutely scandalized but still lets herself be pulled to her feet, stumbling slightly as she rises. “Ask them to make it to-go!” Drunk Kara is adorable and Lena doesn’t think she can take much more of it. She laughs softly and shakes her head as she pays for the drinks Kara had ordered, making sure to tip more than the required twenty percent. The hundred dollar bill she leaves behind still doesn’t feel like it’s enough, however.

It’s cold outside and Lena has to practically force Kara to put on her coat as the young woman stumbles and flails. That’s what it’s going to be like if she ever has a child, she thinks and laughs to herself at the thought of drunk Kara as an overgrown toddler.

“Come on, my car’s this way,” she says as she gently pulls Kara by the hand. It was one of the rare times she chose to drive herself instead of having someone else drive her and she’s happy she made that decision. She’d hate for anyone to see Kara like that.

“No,” Kara pulls her hand back, not managing to free it from Lena’s hold. “ _I’m_ driving _you_ , remember? I told you, I couldn’t drink too much cause I  had to drive!”

“You don’t have a car, remember?” Lena chuckles. She’s not certain that Kara still doesn’t have a car, but she’s willing to bet she doesn’t.

“Well…” Kara seems confused for a second and she stops walking, her brows furrowing as she tries to think; the small crinkle and pout that adorn her features bring heat to Lena’s face. “Well, if I don’t have a car, then how did I get here?”

“I honestly don’t know, but I really hope you took a cab,” Lena is only half joking.

**...**

“Mike and I broke up.” They’re halfway to Kara’s place when the blonde blurts that out and Lena has to try not to slam on the breaks. She tightens her grip around the steering wheel instead, her knuckles turning white, her mind screaming at her that she should have realized that that’s what was wrong all along.

“Is that why you were at the bar?” She can’t help but ask, receiving a small nod as a reply. Kara is not sober, far from it, but she seems to have moved to a more adult version of her drunk self, one Lena can hold a decent conversation with. “What happened?”

“Stuff…” Kar mumbles. “Lots and lots of stuff.” She rests her head on the cold window and closes her eyes, letting the movement of the car lull her into a numb stupor. “All my things are at our place,” she says a few quiet moments later. “The keys to my apartment too…” Lena knows instantly where this is going.

“You’ll sleep at mine tonight,” she says without thinking as she changes lanes in order to take the right exit. Of course she’ll sleep at hers. “And we’ll go get all your stuff tomorrow, okay?” Kara doesn’t reply. A quick glance to her right and Lena sees her fast asleep, her head lolling slightly as the car speeds up.

* * *

_“I can’t believe you did that.” Lena is furious. A laugh bubbles up Kara’s throat and, in her drunken state, she’s unable to stop it from pouring out. She instantly knows it’s a mistake. “Don’t you dare laugh right now, Kara, or I swear to god.” Her grip tightens around the steering wheel as she forces herself to take a  few deep breaths._

_“I did it for you.” Mistake number two._

_“For me. You drank your weight in- whatever that shit you were drinking was and punched a guy in the face for me!”_

_“He was bothering you…”_

_“I can handle myself, Kara!” She regrets the volume of her voice the moment it hits her own ears and she sees Kara flinch. “You broke his fucking nose, what the hell?” she continues more quietly._

_“It’s just… I- I don’t know what came over me… I saw you there and he was so close to you and- and his hand was on your hip and I just- I… I’m sorry…”_

_“Do you even know who that was?” Lena’s eyes never once leave the road ahead and that only serves to make Kara feel worse._

_“N-no…”_

_“Of course not,” the brunette mutters. “That was Jack, Kara.” She turns to look at her now and Kara wishes she hadn’t done that. There’s no anger in Lena’s eyes like she expected. They’re overflowing with disappointment instead, and something else that she can’t really put her finger on. “You know Jack? Who you were supposed to meet tomorrow?”_

_Kara pales at that. “I’m_ so _sorry, Lena, I didn’t- I didn’t know, I was stupid, I thought he was bothering you and I just saw red, I’m sorry.” She’s crying now and she knows that it has a little bit to do with the fact that she’s drunk and that makes her emotional, but she thinks she would be crying if she was sober as well. She fails to hold in a sob and that’s when Lena finally pulls over and lets the quiet of the night overtake them. They sit there, the only thing breaking the silence is the clicking sound of the hazard lights and Kara’s occasional soft sniffing. Neither one speaks for a while and Lena lets her head drop against the back of her seat as she keeps her eyes closed and tries to even out her breathing._

_“I understand if you hate me and never want to speak to me again,” Kara mumbles, her voice thick with tears, and Lena sighs. They’ve officially entered the sad drunk territory._

_She can’t deal with this, she thinks as she unfastens her seatbelt and gets out of the car, leaving Kara behind. She’s not her most sober self either and she knows just how bad the situation can get if they start fighting. She digs through her purse instead, pulling out a half-empty pack of cigarettes and a lighter with a small engraved pair of Ls on it. LL for Lex Luthor. She stole it from him a while ago and he never asked for it back even though he knew who had it. It’s only a few seconds later when she hears groaning from inside the car as Kara struggles to get out as well. She slams the door closed with more force than intended and offers Lena a soft, apologetic smile that goes unseen as the brunette never turns to look at her._

_“Why were you drinking?” she asks refusing to acknowledge Kara’s previous words as she finally turns to face the crying blonde. “You_ never _drink, Kara… If something’s wrong, please tell me what it is. I’m- I’m worried…” Kara realizes now that Lena wasn’t mad because she punched Jack -well, not_ only _because of that anyway- but because she was worried; scared even. And it makes her want to cry harder. “Did something happen?” Lena presses on when she gets no reply from her friend and receives a tiny nod from the blonde this time. “Something at work?” she guesses. Nope. “At home then? Do you need to go back? Listen, if you have to go back home, I can arrange that for you, you can leave tonight even. I just have to make a call and-”_

_“Everything’s fine at home. Thanks, though, I- really appreciate the offer…”_

_“I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what it is.” Her voice is louder than she had intended it to be. The few drinks she had had at the party are finally making their presence in her system known and this whole conversation takes a lot more out of her that it normally would. She sighs. “Did something happen at the party? Did Jack-”_

_“No! No, Lena, Jack didn’t do anything and I’m really sorry I kinda probably broke his nose…”_

_“His nose and one of his front teeth… Didn’t know you packed such a punch to be honest…” Lena’s attempt to lighten the mood works for a moment and she smiles at the sound of Kara’s soft chuckle. “You uh… You were talking to this guy from the football team,” she says. “James?” Kara’s nod is the only indication that the girl is actually listening to her. “Did something happen with him?” she asks finally and Kara’s silence is enough of an answer._

_“We broke up.” Lena stares at that. She didn’t even know Kara and James knew each other, let alone dating._

_“I’m... I didn’t know you were seeing each other,” Lena mutters and she isn’t certain Kara heard her._

_“I met him when I first got here. He came in for coffee one day and just- asked for my number. I don’t know, I guess I liked his boldness or something... We ended up dating after that.”_

_“I’m sorry...” Lena says finally, trying not to acknowledge that fact that Kara had been dating this entire time they knew each other and never said anything. It was selfish of her to think that Kara owed to tell her anything about her personal life after all. “I’m sure it’s for the best,” she settles on._

_“I’m sorry I never said anything, it just never came up... And uh... Well, James...” Kara sighs and closes her eyes in an attempt to avoid looking at Lena. “He’s had some- not so nice things to say about... stuff. And that’s mostly why we broke up.”_

_“Stuff.”_

_“About why you… left boarding school…?” Lena can feel her heartbeat accelerate at the words._

_“I know James, he’s in the KSJ program,” she says, her voice not betraying the need she feels to throw up. “He’s... not my biggest fan.”_

_“Well, that’s just a load of bullshit now, isn’t it?” Lena laughs. Dunk Kara has no filter, she finds out that night. “I’m sorry there are people like him out there.”_

_“It’s okay, sweetheart. At least there are people like you out there too to balance things out,” they both chuckle, Kara’s drunken state making her laugh a little harder._

* * *

Getting inside the house undetected is a struggle. Kara, ever the clumsy one when sober, is twenty times worse now, giggling as she stumbles over her feet. Lena has to hold her upright and stir her away from anything breakable on their way up the stairs and to her room, her breathing catching to the back of her throat as they pass by Lex’ room. Lillian’s is located further away, but the woman likes to keep odd hours so it wouldn't be too surprising if she made a sudden appearance. The mere thought of it is enough to send Lena’s heart to overdrive.

“I’ve never been in your room before,” Kara slurs out as they walk inside Lena’s room, the door safely shut and locked behind them.

“There’s a reason for that,” Lena mutters as she sits the blonde down on the edge of her bed as she goes to rummage through one of her drawers. “Here, wear these.” She hands the girl a T-shirt and a pair of cotton shorts. “And please be quiet, okay, honey?” Kara nods and mumbles something that Lena doesn’t make out as she lets herself fall back on the bed, her shirt pulled halfway over her neck, just above her breasts. Lena’s face heats up and a muttered “fuck” escapes her lips but Kara doesn’t hear it.

“You know,” the blonde mumbles a few moments later, after having wrestled her way out of her own clothes and into Lena’s almost giving her an aneurysm in the process, “I never did get my midnight kiss…” She’s settled herself down now and her eyes droop as her breathing slows but she still makes an effort to look up at the other girl. Her voice is sleepy and Lena can’t tell if it’s intentionally flirty, although she guesses (hopes) it is. Drunk Kara never had a filter, after all. “Maybe you can give it to me now…” She’s half asleep already; Lena chuckles at the thought that maybe Kara is, in fact, talking about the drink and not an actual kiss and fights to keep her racing heart and blush at bay. In all honesty, she wouldn’t be too surprised if that turned out to be the case.

“How about you go to sleep and I’ll make you one tomorrow?” she asks. Her voice is quiet and tender and her hand is itching to reach out and caress the girl’s cheek. She smiles at the soft snore she gets as a response. With a shake of her head and a deep breath, she puts on her pajamas and climbs into bed as well, mindful to leave enough space between her and Kara. The fact that she wakes up with the girl’s limbs tangled with hers, a hand dangerously close to her breast and soft breaths on the side of her neck goes unmentioned.

* * *

If getting inside the house had been an adventure, getting out is even worse. With people always moving about, it would be a miracle if no one saw them sneaking around. They leave as soon as Lex and Lillian are gone. Of course, Lillian isn’t going to let Lex run the company completely by himself so she tags along when he goes to the office; not that Lex minds, per se. It’s not like he’s going to let her run it for him, after all.

Lena makes her obligatory appearance during breakfast, informing both Lex and Lillian that she won’t be joining them as she has some other business to tend to. She doesn’t miss the side glace Lex throws at her or the knowing way his lips curl and his eyes sparkle. It sends a chill down her spine and she has to try not to shiver.

“Thanks for doing this…” They’re outside now, sitting across from each other at a little bistro not too far away from Kara and Mike’s apartment. Or… Mike’s apartment now. They had gotten it together, Kara had explained, when Mike was new in town and had nowhere else to live. She had offered to help out and even pay for most of it so of course the man had accepted. It was his name they put on the lease, however, which meant that it had to be Kara the one to go, no matter how much of it was paid by her. “Really, you didn’t have to and-”

“Nonsense, Kara. I wasn’t going to just leave you hanging.” Lena waves her off with a smile on her face.

“I guess you have questions about this whole thing…”

“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

“No… No, I want to. You were- _are_ , you’re here for me and you deserve to know what’s been going on.” Lena only nods, waits for Kara to speak when she’s ready. “It’s been…” she frowns as she searches for the right word. “Weird,” she settles. “You know when you meet someone and it feels like they complete you in some way? And it's _so good_ because it's like this missing piece you had is finally back and you can breathe again?” Lena nods again cause she does, she _does_ know what Kara is talking about maybe a little too well, but she’s not trusting herself with actual words just yet. “That's what it was like. He was… He was from a neighbourhood next to mine. From when I was little, before I got taken in by the Danvers. And- and he lost his home too and it felt like… Like we connected through that. He was my missing link to those days, you know?” She sighs and grips her hands together to stop the slight tremors. “And I guess I was so happy that I'd finally found someone who shared the same experiences I did that I missed the big picture and all the warning signs and I snoozed all the alarms that kept going off in my head…” Kara’s eyes are downcast, as if she’s ashamed to look at Lena.

“There were alarms?” She knew there had to be a reason she didn’t like the guy ever since she met him. It took her all of two seconds to know that something was off about him and she had to wonder just how enchanted Kara had been to not see it for months.

Kara nods a couple of times as her hand reaches up to wipe a stray tear that’s rolling down her cheek and Lena’s heart clenches. “So many,” she says a moment later, her head finally raising to look at the woman across from her. “He was a lying, abusive jerk who would throw hissy fits if he didn’t get his way like a five-year-old. He- he had this way of thinking that everyone had to agree with, you know? And if you happened not to, then you were always the one in the wrong. He cheated on me, you know.” If Lena had super strength, the edge of the table would have turned to splinters because of how hard she had just gripped it. “We’d been together for like a week or something and I caught him, actually _caught_ him with a girl from the office.” Her eyes grow hard, harder than Lena knows them to ever be and she realizes now that the tear Kara had just wiped off wasn’t one of sadness, but one of anger. Anger because she let herself be swayed and played like that simply because she and Mike shared a similar past. Because he could somewhat understand what she had gone through.

“Come to Europe with me,” Lena suddenly blurts out as she unclenches the grip she has on the table, her brain not even processing the words. The anger immediately evaporates from Kara’s eyes, confusion setting in instead as she frowns.

“What?”

“I’m serious.” Lena can’t back out now and, more importantly, she doesn’t want to. “My father left me a house. In his will. It’s in Europe and I… Honestly, I wasn’t going to visit. Sam thinks I should, though and now you- Well, you could probably use a couple of days away from this place,” she shrugs and smiles at Kara, her eyes soft and filled with love as she watches the girl process what she has just heard. She blinks a couple of times and Lena swears she can see the cogs turning in her brain.

“Who’s Sam?” the blonde asks, and it’s probably the one question Lena expected the least.

“She’s a friend back in National City,” she simply states and decides to ignore -for now, at least- the fact that she definitely noticed the way Kara’s eyes narrowed ever-so-slightly as soon as she heard the word ‘she’. She’s going to think about that later.

Kara nods slowly a few times, thinking over Lena’s proposal no doubt, before she finally replies. “Okay,” she says and Lena has to blink the bewilderment away.

“Okay?”

“Yeah,” Kara nods again. “Yeah, I’ll come to Europe with you. What the hell, it sounds fun!” Her signature smile is now back on her lips and it’s so much brighter than before. Lena feels her own grin getting wider at the sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be up on Monday, tbh, but **[SHAMELESS SELF PROMO INCOMING]** I got caught up with work and I was also doing this fictober thing (give it a read if you wanna, I'm only three prompts in and I was supposed to be on prompt 13 by now and I hate myself, but hey! I think the three one-shots I have up are pretty decent xD) and then I also did some [Lena art](https://itsaroseforrose.tumblr.com/post/178977877894/have-a-casual-lena-in-fall-clothes-holding-a)  
>  and time got away from me... Oh well
> 
> Follow me on tumbler @[itsaroseforrose](https://itsaroseforrose.tumblr.com)  
> babes! I'd love to talk to you all ^^


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